Monthly Archives: July 2012

Enough

So time flies on and all seems well. We sweat through the summer and are glad for windows to wash.

Time with family. Time with friends. Time learning to trust our Father more.

Drink iced tea and wish for rain.

And then as I turn onto our street one day, almost home, I comment to my husband that this street needs some work and I wonder when they’ll repave the whole thing. And as I finish driving the last block to our driveway my thoughts are flooding with this grief that I was not expecting.

Thoughts like “We will be here when this street gets remade.”

Why does that make me so so sad?

And I say it out loud and then realize. A whole continent away -south of the equator I had thought and said the same thing.

“We will be here when this street gets remade”

Only that street was all dirt, an obstacle course to navigate as we would drive our truck through the neighborhood.

I said it with joy and wonder at living long in a place we are not from, where they don’t even speak my language.

And the thoughts would go on as I’d think of my kids growing up there.

My third boy learned to ride his bike on those dirt streets, and he’d probably learn to drive the truck on the paved one later on…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here I am on a hot July day driving down a different street wondering if we’ll be here when my boy learns to drive just as his oldest brother is learning now.

And while I am thankful to be here now and I truly look forward with wonder to where God will have us by this time next year. I wonder where else we might go or what else we might do; I also find that the grieving comes on when I least suspect it for those people and places we miss. For the dreams that had to die for the new ones to be born.For the lessons to be learned that I would never trade now for anything.

I realize that I acutely miss it all!

I struggle daily with how to move forward when I am keenly aware of the state of lives and circumstances in certain corners of this world.

What do I do with this information? God, I cannot make sense of it all!

And while I realize He does not need me here or there or ANYWHERE in order to love people and show them His love, I wonder just WHAT to do or WHAT to think or HOW to proceed.

And you are waiting for it aren’t you? The answer. The epiphany I had and the direction or “call” He gave.

The truth is I don’t know. All I do know is that I CAN lean hard on Him and know that He will never fail. He won’t mess up or get it wrong.

I can fall on Him with all my fear, my grief and my thoughts and let him have it. No need to hold it all together, figure it out, or try and know what He wants from me.

There is only to know that He is there and he is ENOUGH.

And out of this knowing -who knows what will come of that…
Five Minute Friday I’m linking up today with http://lisajobaker.com/ Check out her fabulous site!

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I am from…

I am from the kitchen chair drinking English breakfast tea.

From dishes and books to teach my children and to read for myself.

I am from the big blue house on a street in the city shaded with big old trees.

From veggies and jasmine rice cooking, from toys and shoes and odds and ends in every room but where they belong.

I am from the corn and wheat fields, goldenrod along the rolling country roads,    roses in the back yard and cardinals in the bushes.

The huge oak in the back yard whose long, long limbs I wish I could remember as if they were my own…this home is so new and I wonder sometimes why we are here.

I’m from Danish pancakes for Christmas and Grandma’s pumpkin pie for dessert after dinner. 

From Danish Grandpa married to hardworking Grandma and riding in the Woody in the parade.

From looking a lot like my Aunt and cousins the same age as my kids. I’m from dutch lunch for supper and raking the leaves in the fall and from riding the back roads all muddy in the Jimmy.

I’m from “love your neighbor” and “do your best, that’s all you can do” and “My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there’s nothing my God cannot do.”

I’m from singing “It makes me think of the good old days, Happy Birthday to you!” on birthdays.

I’m from small town Midwest and farmers for family and friends, early American founders, explorer Clark and Appalachian mountain dwellers way down the family line.

From Frickadiler and cheesy potatoes.

From popcorn and strawberries.

From Great Grandpa who ran a small town store.

From Dad who can fix cars and do the odd job.

From Mom, a wonderful hostess and is so much fun.

From crocheting like one Grandma taught me, and knitting just like my other Grandma used to.

From the little writing desk in the corner Great Grandpa gave me, the man who fished and farmed and had lambs and was short.

From “the Farm” where we all would fish and my sister and I would hike along the crick.

From the lavender L shaped bedroom with time to think and write.

From playing “house” and “library” all dressed like Laura or Anne of Green Gables. From long walks with Shane wherever we live – talking and continuing to talk half the night.

From 4 kids – each born in a different city.

From Winnie the Pooh quotes “Here.we.are.All.of.us.” with our us all grinning.

From “I’m going to the moon and I’m taking…” and “can we watch another show?” From loud and crazy wrestling/tickle matches and late nights and getting lunches ready for a day of window washing.

From holding Quechua babies and eating spicy guinea pig meat with potatoes and hot sauce.

From gasping for breath as we hike up the street of the village in the high altitude and greeting the neighbors or sitting a while to pass the time.

From crying over losses with a new friend and encouraging our old one.

From no water today and a full pile dirty clothes to wash, from kids at the door with questions.

From sitting in the cool evening with a cup of Milo looking at the stars close.

From laughing like nothing else matters with some of the best friends in the world.

From missing it all and from wondering what it’s all about.

From thanks and discouragement, and fear and anger and defeat.

From knowing Truth and learning to live it.

From kindness extended and grace given.

From an unshakeable place of knowing that God is in control and holds me in his hand.

This is part of who I am and where I am from.

(Inspired by “Where I’m From” by George Ella Lyon )Image