Enough

So time flies on and all seems well. We sweat through the summer and are glad for windows to wash.

Time with family. Time with friends. Time learning to trust our Father more.

Drink iced tea and wish for rain.

And then as I turn onto our street one day, almost home, I comment to my husband that this street needs some work and I wonder when they’ll repave the whole thing. And as I finish driving the last block to our driveway my thoughts are flooding with this grief that I was not expecting.

Thoughts like “We will be here when this street gets remade.”

Why does that make me so so sad?

And I say it out loud and then realize. A whole continent away -south of the equator I had thought and said the same thing.

“We will be here when this street gets remade”

Only that street was all dirt, an obstacle course to navigate as we would drive our truck through the neighborhood.

I said it with joy and wonder at living long in a place we are not from, where they don’t even speak my language.

And the thoughts would go on as I’d think of my kids growing up there.

My third boy learned to ride his bike on those dirt streets, and he’d probably learn to drive the truck on the paved one later on…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here I am on a hot July day driving down a different street wondering if we’ll be here when my boy learns to drive just as his oldest brother is learning now.

And while I am thankful to be here now and I truly look forward with wonder to where God will have us by this time next year. I wonder where else we might go or what else we might do; I also find that the grieving comes on when I least suspect it for those people and places we miss. For the dreams that had to die for the new ones to be born.For the lessons to be learned that I would never trade now for anything.

I realize that I acutely miss it all!

I struggle daily with how to move forward when I am keenly aware of the state of lives and circumstances in certain corners of this world.

What do I do with this information? God, I cannot make sense of it all!

And while I realize He does not need me here or there or ANYWHERE in order to love people and show them His love, I wonder just WHAT to do or WHAT to think or HOW to proceed.

And you are waiting for it aren’t you? The answer. The epiphany I had and the direction or “call” He gave.

The truth is I don’t know. All I do know is that I CAN lean hard on Him and know that He will never fail. He won’t mess up or get it wrong.

I can fall on Him with all my fear, my grief and my thoughts and let him have it. No need to hold it all together, figure it out, or try and know what He wants from me.

There is only to know that He is there and he is ENOUGH.

And out of this knowing -who knows what will come of that…
Five Minute Friday I’m linking up today with http://lisajobaker.com/ Check out her fabulous site!

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6 responses to “Enough

  • Nancy Hall DeValve

    It’s amazing how on opposite sides of the world our stories are so similar. How our years in another place still hold our hearts. How some place “home” is not fully home. But God is good and He is enough!

  • Rachel Hammond

    It is obvious that you feel deeply – you definitely express yourself in a beautiful way. Thanks for the reminder that God is enough! So easy to forget that.

  • Peggy

    I really related to this. Maybe I haven’t traveled to those places that seem to have strings on my heart, but I too wonder why here and how do I do the Gospel here? I can see the injustices, the poverty, the spiritual needs in pictures and prayer updates and news reports. Then I have to stop and pray, for right now my only outlet seems to be prayer (and crying)! I am so glad I have had the privilege of being a small part in your life and especially your boys’ lives!! Thanks you and KEEP WRITING!!

    • Beauty out of dust

      “Praying and crying” yep. Sounds about right. Peggy you ARE doing the Gospel here! Believing the Truth, sharing it with those kids (sometimes even just listening is “doing the gospel”), and praying and crying out to God for all those He puts on your heart. Keep it up! So thankful for you!

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